


Survivor’s Guilt

by samos7



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Character Death, Gen, Wilderness Survival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:48:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22168123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samos7/pseuds/samos7
Summary: While he couldn’t be certain, he assumed that there was a vendetta against Tony Stark that caused them to be in this situation. It was no secret that the man loved his daughter more than life itself. Peter wasn’t sure how he was added into the equation, but he was thankful nevertheless.He didn’t know what would have happened if they had left Morgan here alone. She wouldn’t have lasted an hour in the wilderness.~Or, Peter and Morgan are stranded in the middle of a rainforest
Relationships: Happy Hogan & Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 47
Kudos: 128





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I’ve had this idea for a little while now but I’ve hesitated on writing it because I thought it would be too depressing of a story.  
> And then I decided, nah, I’m gonna write it. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

It’s been twelve hours since Peter and Morgan had woken up in the middle of the forest.  
  
Or at least Peter assumes it’s been that long, judging from how the sun has risen and fallen throughout their exploration.  
  
When Peter had initially come to awareness, he was confused and disoriented. His spider sense was stronger than ever, alerting him of every sound and movement from the ten mile radius. There were nothing but bushes and trees that were surrounding him, and it didn’t take rocket science to conclude that he was in the middle of a rainforest.  
  
He wasn’t wearing his Spiderman suit, and whoever had taken him had made sure he was empty handed. Even if he did have his phone, there was no way he would be able to contact someone anyhow.  
  
Peter was handling the realization relatively well until he noticed Morgan close beside him, sleeping on top of the leaves and dirt. Her white nightgown was filthy with brown stains and much to Peter’s horror, red patches were coated across her sleeve.  
  
Peter was the first to wake up, his metabolism fighting off the drugs much faster than the villains had probably anticipated.  
  
Not fast enough apparently.  
  
While he couldn’t be certain, he assumed that there was a vendetta against Tony Stark that caused them to be in this situation. It was no secret that the man loved his daughter more than life itself. Peter wasn’t sure how he was added into the equation, but he was thankful nevertheless.  
  
He didn’t know what would have happened if they had left Morgan here alone. She wouldn’t have lasted an hour in the wilderness.  
  
Turns out, the blood on her dress was from a decently sized scrape on her forearm. It wasn’t ideal in the slightest, but it also wasn’t too deep of a cut. It wouldn’t kill her unless it caught an infection.  
  
Peter wasted no time as he ripped the fabric of his own hoodie off, wrapping it around her arm and securing it as tightly as possible.  
  
Morgan still didn’t open her eyes.   
  
At the time, Peter was secretly grateful that he had woken up before Morgan. He didn’t want her to see the unadulterated fear that must have been so clearly written on his face. If he were in the forest alone, he probably would have given up hope then and there, letting himself be fully consumed by the growing, familiar feeling of a panic attack.

But with the child by his side, he forced himself to sober up.   
  
He couldn’t afford to mess up, Morgan’s life was in his hands and the responsibility weighed heavily on Peter’s shoulders.  
  
So, with that mindset, he gently gathered her into his arms and began their journey.  
  
Neither of them had been wearing shoes when they were supposedly taken, but at least Peter had socks on. He made sure to watch his steps, using the daylight to his advantage.  
  
The game plan was simple: stay alive and pray that the Avengers would find them before the climate became detrimental.  
  
Peter would be the first to admit that it wasn’t the most reassuring plan, but he didn’t have any other option.  
  
His main goal for today was to find water. Though after hours of walking, Peter wasn’t sure if he was even moving in the right direction.

His spider sense wasn’t warning him of an immediate danger, so he trudged along, following his unreliable instinct.   
  
Peter had been walking for hours without rest when Morgan finally woke up from her drug induced nap. When she did, Peter was successfully able to pull himself together.  
  
No longer did he show his panic, despite his heart racing too fast and his hands uncontrollably shaking.  
  
He steadied his voice as he whispered reassurances into her ear, letting her cry on his shoulder.  
  
Peter had tried to distract Morgan as much as he possibly could as the two of them continued to travel along the forest. He carried her in his arms as he shared detailed adventures of Spiderman, and when he ran out of stories that were lighthearted and child friendly, he began to sing tunes that he knew Morgan would enjoy. Peter was definitely tone-deaf, and he struggled with remembering a lot of the lyrics, but Morgan didn’t seem to mind. In fact, sometimes she would even hum along, and Peter felt himself smiling with endearment despite the circumstances.  
  
In all honesty, the distractions were just as much for Peter as they were for Morgan, and he held her tight against his chest as the temperature began to slowly drop with the sun.  
  
While he was hiking, he took special notice of any bugs that came into view, but he has yet to spot an actual animal. Still, the fact that there were insects within the forest was a good sign that he was headed in the right direction.

At least he’s hoped.

/ / /  
  
Peter drops to his knees and outright sobs when he finally reached the river. By then, the sun was about to set, but he pays no mind to it as he crawls his way towards the body of water. Morgan shyly asks what was wrong, and he’s unable to form a coherent response through his gasps and wails.  
  
Eventually, he finds his voice however.  
  
“Nothings wrong Morgan, look- we found a river.”  
  
“Is that good?”  
  
“It’s very good, now we can drink the water.”  
  
Peter’s heart blossomed with newfound hope. All he had to do next was catch something to eat  
  
He places Morgan on his lap as he scoops up the river water, then he holds it to her mouth, urging her to drink.  
  
Morgan doesn’t seem like she wants to, but she compliantly listens anyway, and Peter praises her for her bravery.  
  
Once he’s content with the amount of water Morgan has swallowed, he gives himself his own portion. Peter understands Morgan’s hesitancy in drinking from the river; it looks murky in between his cupped hands, and he’s strongly aware of the bacteria and viruses they can catch from consuming it. Unfortunately, Peter rather take the risks than stay dehydrated.  
  
So, he tilts his head back and drinks as much water as he can, praying to any god that he was making the right decision.  
  
“Peter, when are we going to eat?”  
  
By the time they had finished drinking from the river, the sun had disappeared. Utter darkness surrounded the rainforest, and Peter could barely see two feet in front of him. He knew that the chances of catching fish were slim with only the moon and stars as their source of light.  
  
Peter hates himself for not thinking of it sooner; now he has no choice but to wait until sunrise. He promises Morgan to wake up as soon as possible to catch the food.  
  
“Let’s go to sleep for now, then we can eat breakfast in the morning.”  
  
“But I’m hungry now.”  
  
“I know, and I’m sorry- but we have to wait until then, okay?”  
  
Morgan begins to shed her own tears, and Peter quickly wipes them away, begging her to understand where he’s coming from. She kicks and she screams so loud that it hurts Peter’s eardrums but he can’t find himself to be aggravated with her. If anything, he’s impressed that she’s lasted this long without a temper tantrum.  
  
Eventually, Morgan tires herself out and falls asleep on Peter’s chest. He quickly follows suit, wishing the Avengers would swoop in and save the day.  
  
Later, Peter will regret his decision to rest that night, it was the first of many mistakes that were made.  
  
/ / /  
  
Peter holds himself accountable and he gets up as soon as the sun is peeking out. The trees block some of the light, but there is enough to see in front of him. He lets Morgan sleep against the tree bark as he rushes back to the river.  
  
It takes him an embarrassingly long amount of time to catch the right amount of fish, and when he does he celebrates by punching the air in victory. He cleans the fish as best as he can, but even Peter has to admit that it looks absolutely disgusting.

Then, he reluctantly wakes Morgan up, not wanting to waste more time than they already have.  
  
“I have breakfast for us!” Peter holds out the raw fish in his palms. He tried so hard to cut it into appetizing, bite size pieces using his bare hands, though that worked as well as anyone could imagine.

Morgan gazes up at him, unimpressed.  
  
She looks so much like Tony in that moment, and Peter has to roughly bite his lip to keep himself from crying.  
  
“It looks gross, I’m not eating that.”  
  
“Morgan, you have too.” He moves the fish closer to her mouth, trying to get her to bite into it, but she moves her head away adamantly.  
  
“No, can’t we find berries or something?”  
  
Peter wishes more than anything that he could find any sort of fruit in the forest, but the likelihood of that was so slim that he didn’t even bother entertaining the idea. Plus, Peter remembers reading somewhere that some wild berries could be poisonous. He’s not exactly sure how to differentiate the ones that were safe to eat, so he decided to avoid them all together.  
  
“We don’t have berries, but this could be yummy too.”  
  
Morgan is clearly unconvinced, and she shakes her head again.  
  
“If it’s so good then why aren’t you eating it?”  
  
Peter sighs and tries not to let his anger get the best of him. Morgan was handling the situation incredibly well considering her age, and he couldn’t blame her for being difficult at times like this.  
  
He puts down Morgan’s piece of fish and picks up his own, desperate to prove a point. He’s always hated seafood, especially sushi, and the idea of eating raw fish makes his stomach churn in disgust.  
  
Still, he takes a big bite of his own portion and tries not to gag in front of Morgan. He swallows and plants a huge smile on his face, hoping to appear as convincing as possible.  
  
“Delicious! How about you try some of yours now?”  
  
Peter must have been a terrible actor, because Morgan somehow looks even more reluctant to eat. Tears gather in her eyes and Peter can’t help but groan in response.  
  
“I don’t wanna.”  
  
“If you want to survive, you have to eat the fish.”  
  
Peter says the words in a stern voice and he watches closely as Morgan’s eyes widen in surprise. Her shock stops her tears from falling, and Peter thinks this is the first time he’s ever raised his voice at her.  
  
Peter picks the fish back up, and tries again.  
  
“I’m sorry, but you have to eat. You don’t have a choice.”  
  
Slowly but surely, Morgan opens her mouth and Peter quickly feeds it her before she can change her mind. Morgan hates the taste and texture, and she reflexively spits out the food. Before Peter can get annoyed at her, she apologizes and opens her mouth again, this time more determined.  
  
It takes some time, but Morgan eventually finishes her piece of fish. Peter scarves his own portion down, trying to fill his body as much as he can with his super metabolism.  
  
He’s so proud of Morgan, and he tells her exactly so.  
  
As a result, Morgan grins from ear to ear with pride, and Peter can’t stop the tears that water in his eyes and trickle down his face.  
  
They move back to the river, and they drink more water before continuing their journey onward.  
  
Peter heads West until his spider sense overwhelms his body and emotions. He stops dead in his tracks and turns East.  
  
Nothing warns him of danger, so he moves along, this time counting his steps.  
  
Peter forces himself to talk and keep Morgan occupied. He can feel her body trembling against his arms, and the feeling worries Peter to no end.  
  
Even when Morgan falls asleep, her head resting against his shoulder, Peter still rambles. He doesn’t think he can handle the silence of the rainforest if he stops.  
  
More hours past and he keeps walking. Yesterday, the weather wasn’t too bad, and Peter didn’t think to consider it as a blessing. Today however, as the sun sets once again, it’s much colder than the night before, and Peter’s whole body shivers as he holds Morgan closer to his chest.  
  
Without shoes, Peter feels like he’s walking on daggers with each step he takes.

He lets the pain ground him, bring him back to reality when he feels himself drifting away. He combs his shaky hands through Morgan’s hair, providing silent comfort now that he can no longer find his voice.  
  
When the sun leaves once more, Peter doesn’t stop to take a break this time around. The weather is freezing, and Peter is certain they’ll die from hypothermia before anything else. He tries not to think about it as he continues to take careful steps through the forest.  
  
Morgan is unmoving in his arms and the realization torments Peter to no end. A huge part of him wanted to wake her up so he could hear her voice close to his ear. After much consideration, he decides against it, thinking it would be selfish to rouse her from slumber.   
  
That was the second huge mistake that he made.  
  
Peter walks until he physically can’t hold himself anymore. He falls to his knees and crawls to the nearest tree he can find, no longer thinking about the risks of stopping.  
  
He acts as if he’s on autopilot, barely processing his surroundings as he gently places Morgan down on his lap. He pulls off his sweatshirt and maneuvers her unconscious body so she’s wearing it. The sweatshirt swallows her whole, and Peter hopes it keeps her a little more warm.  
  
Now Peter is only in a t-shirt, and his body uncontrollably shakes as a result. He blinks and looks around the forest, not remembering how they got here.  
  
He no longer cares however. All he thinks about is sleep as he holds Morgan close and submerges himself to the pull of oblivion.  
  
/ / /  
  
Peter wakes up to his spider sense going haywire. Immediately, he stands and prepares himself for battle.

He looks around and pulls a stance of defense, positioning himself so he was in front of Morgan.

But nothing comes their way.

Peter looks up at the sky, and if he had to guess, he would say that it was early in the morning.  
  
He is beyond confused at this point, but he still twists his head from side to side, desperately attempting to find a threat.  
  
He’s alone.  
  
Finally, he looks down at Morgan, and everything suddenly makes sense.  
  
Peter will never understand how he knew what was about to happen, but something deep in his soul told him that there was no time left.  
  
He bends down and gathers Morgan in his arms once more. He rocks her back and forth as if it would help anything, and he presses a kiss to her forehead.  
  
Minutes later, he hears rather than feels her heartbeat cease.


	2. Chapter 2

_If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?_  
  
Peter’s thoughts return to the philosophical question as he continues to walk through the forest, Morgan’s dead body limp in his arms.  
  
At one point in his life, he would have said yes, content with the definitive answer to the multilayered question.  
  
Now, he wasn’t so sure.  
  
Peter continues to debate alone, distracting himself from the way Morgan lays cold and heavy against his chest.  
  
He reaches the end of the forest hours later when the sun begins to set, and Peter decides then and there that the universe will always be cruel and unforgiving.  
  
Peter has reached his salvation alone. The death of Morgan Stark will haunt him for the rest of his life, and the realization destroys any celebration he has for surviving the odds.  
  
He’s void of emotions, numb with pain.  
  
After walking some more miles, he reaches a busy highway with cars speeding past him, and he’s shocked to see any form of civilization. At this point, Peter doesn’t know where he’s headed or where he is, but he no longer cares.  
  
He clutches onto Morgan when a car pulls to the side, and a middle aged couple walks out.  
  
“Hey, are you okay?”  
  
Peter wants to tell them to leave, to ignore him like all of the other cars had. After all, May has taught him to not trust strangers, and while his spider sense wasn’t going off, he still couldn’t bring himself to acknowledge their arrival.  
  
He continues limping along the side of the road, blatantly ignoring their presence. Unfortunately, they don’t let him travel very far, and they stand in front of him with their arms extended, as if trying to tame a wild animal.  
  
“Hey sweetheart, what are you two doing out here alone?”  
  
Peter doesn’t respond, because what was he supposed to say.  
  
The couple looks at one another and Peter can practically feel their worry suffocating him.  
The man pulls out a cell phone and begins to dial a number.  
  
“We’re going to call for an ambulance-“  
  
There was more that was definitely said, but Peter had stopped paying attention as fear raked through his entire body, and that’s when he finally speaks out loud.  
  
“ _Don’t_.”  
  
Peter doesn’t mean to yell, and he almost feels bad when the couple startles away in shock. They stare at him for a moment, and they must see something broken in Peter’s eyes, because a second later the man hangs up the phone with no questions asked.  
  
“Okay, we won’t call, but how about you hop in the car with us and we can take you where you need to go.”  
  
In any other situation, Peter would have refused, but he was unbearably tired and his feet were cut up and blistered. He knew that he wouldn’t last on the road for much longer if he kept traveling on his own.  
  
So, without a word, he walks towards the parked car and hops into the back seat. He keeps Morgan tucked into his lap as he buckles his seatbelt, refusing to let go of her even for a second.  
  
The couple jumps in as well, and they appear flustered by the turn of events. They must notice the way Peter’s entire body is shaking, because one of them cranks up the heat without saying a word. The silence in the car is long and uncomfortable, but Peter embraces it.  
  
Eventually however, the woman turns around to address him, and Peter stifles back a sigh.  
  
“Where are we taking you, honey?”  
  
Peter shrugs, because he doesn’t know.  
  
The woman isn’t happy with his lack of response, so she tries again, this time more persistent.  
  
“Can you at least tell us where you’re coming from?”  
  
He shrugs again, because he _doesn’t know_.  
  
“We can’t help you if you don’t talk to us.”  
  
“You can take me wherever you’re headed and I’ll figure it out from there.”  
  
His voice sounds hoarse even to his own ears, and he cringes at the scratchy sensation. His answer earns a deep frown from both of the strangers, and Peter has to look away.  
  
Cars zoom by, and he despises how time continues to move on even after he feels the world crumbling around him.  
  
No other words are exchanged as the man pulls the car into drive.  
  
/ / /  
  
Peter didn’t mean to fall asleep, but he shoots up in awareness as he feels Morgan’s body being pulled away from him.  
  
He grasps on with all super strength he has, and the stranger stands no chance as he forcefully pushes himself away. Peter moves as far back as he can go until his body is flush against the car door.  
  
The man furrows his eyebrows in concern.  
  
“I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to scare you like that. I was just going to check on the girl.”  
  
“She’s dead.”  
  
Peter doesn’t know why he says it so bluntly. Maybe he’s in shock, maybe he’s used to death following him wherever he goes.  
  
Either way, Peter remains a blank slate as he watches the man’s face transform into a look of terror.  
  
Surprisingly, he is able to quickly compose himself, and he reaches his hand out to Peter.  
  
“Step out of the car, I promise you can trust us.”

“Don’t call the ambulance.”  
  
The man hesitates for a second, but eventually he complies.  
  
“For now, we won’t call.”  
  
It wasn’t the most reassuring promise, but Peter doesn’t ask for more. He opens the door and lets the couple lead them into their condo.  
  
He’s sitting on a fluffy couch, and he feels someone drape a blanket around his shoulders. He knows it would be polite to thank them, but he can’t bring himself to form the words. The warmth feels like it’s mocking him, and it contrasts from the pale, freezing corpse in Peter’s arms.  
  
“We’re going to make you some soup, just stay there, okay?”  
  
Peter forces himself to nod, and the small motion exerts too much energy out of him.  
  
If it weren’t for his super hearing, he wouldn’t have heard the whispered conversation from the kitchen.  
  
“I’m pretty sure that’s Morgan Stark.”   
  
“Don’t be ridiculous, she lives in New York, why would the kid be with her anyhow.”  
  
“I don’t know Angie, but I’ve seen that face on the news hundreds of times. It has to be her.”  
  
Peter wants to press his hands against his ears, desperate to drown out the voices, but that would require him to let go of Morgan.  
  
Instead, he starts to hum a song that he knows Morgan would enjoy if she were still alive.  
  
He’s still humming in Morgan’s ear when he smells chicken noodle soup underneath his nose, and he brings himself back to awareness.  
  
“Here’s the deal, we’re not idiots- we know you’ll run away if we call the police.”  
  
Peter is impressed by their intuition, and he almost says the thought out loud.  
  
“You’re in no condition to be out there alone, but we also have no idea what to do with you.” The words may be considered harsh to someone else, but Peter appreciates their honesty.

The woman holds out a cell phone to him, and Peter grabs it without thinking.  
  
“Please tell me you have someone you can call, I’m assuming Tony Stark will pick up the phone.”  
  
Peter stares down at the lock screen, fingers unmoving. The woman grows relentless.  
  
“Kid, you have to call someone.”  
  
Peter agrees, and dials the first number that comes to mind. He feels tears finally gather in his eyes as May answers.  
  
“May Parker, how can I help you.” She sounds as tired as Peter feels, and he can’t seem to properly find his voice all the sudden.  
  
“Hello, is anyone there?”  
  
Finally, he speaks.  
  
“May?”  
  
There’s a beat of silence, and through his emotional haze, Peter irrationally worries that he accidentally dialed the wrong number.  
  
“ _Peter,_ how did you- how did- actually, it doesn’t matter. Can you tell me where you are? Are you okay, did they hurt you baby?”  
  
She was outright sobbing into the phone, and her sentences were barely distinguishable, but Peter could understand them.  
  
“I- I don’t know where I am.”  
  
“That’s okay, as long as you’re safe it’s okay, we’ll come find you. Do you have Morgan with you?”  
  
Peter bites his lip, trying to think of a proper response. The strangers in front of him stare at him with pity in their eyes and he feels the urge to run away.  
  
“I have Morgan.”  
  
It technically wasn’t a lie, her head was currently tucked into his collarbone.  
  
“Peter, I need you to listen to me closely, can you do that for me?  
  
Peter nods his head before realizing that May couldn’t actually see him.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Good, I need you to call Tony and let him track the cell phone number, he’ll come pick you and Morgan up and make sure you guys are alright.”  
  
Peter can hear May’s unspoken question: why didn’t he call Tony to begin with. Both of them knew that only Tony had the ability to actually find him. As much as he loved May, she was useless in this situation, all she could do was offer words of comfort from afar.  
  
“I need confirmation that you understand all of that.”  
  
“Yeah, I got it.”  
  
Peter hears a sigh of relief from the other end of the line. “Okay, good, I’ll see you soon, just hang on tight, alright… I love you.”  
  
“I love you too.”  
  
And with that, the call had ended.  
  
Peter begins to dial Tony’s number, but he deletes it seconds later and calls Happy instead.  
  
Happy picks up after the first ring.  
  
“Peter, is that you?”  
  
For the first time, Happy actually sounds, well, _happy_. There was so much hope in his voice and Peter isn’t even surprised by how quickly May was able to relay the news.  
  
He took a deep breath and steeled himself for the inevitable heartbreak he was about to ensue.  
  
“I have to tell you something.”  
  
Happy, ever the realist, hears the despair in his voice automatically. Peter can easily see the concerned scowl on his face.  
  
“Yeah kid, what happened?”  
  
Peter thought he would at least be able to say the words to Happy, the man has always been unbreakable. He was able to carry himself and others with strength and fight that came naturally for him.  
  
Still, Peter chokes up on the words, and he finally lets out the sob he’s been holding back for hours upon end.  
  
Somehow, Happy is able to connect the dots, “Peter... what happened? Is it Morgan?”  
  
When Morgan’s name is spoken, a heart wrenching scream jerks out of Peter in response.

He didn’t even need to say it out loud. Happy already knows what happened as he listens to the kid’s overwhelming cries of grief and despair. While he instantly tries to deny it, the wails were nothing but confirmation.

“ _Oh my god_.”

He tries to ignore the wetness in Happy’s voice, it was a sound that he has never heard come out of the man.

“I- I just got your location, I’ll be there as soon as possible, okay?”  
  
But Peter wasn’t listening anymore. He finally lets the sadness and rage take over him.

/ / /  
  
While he waits, the dark part of his mind wishes he never left the forest.  
  
Apparently, Peter and Morgan were abandoned in the middle of the Tongass National Forest, located in Alaska.  
  
While people have previously explored the environment, they had always prepared themselves with food, water, and other basic necessities that ensured their safety.  
  
It’s a miracle that Peter was still alive. If it weren’t for his spider sense telling him where to go, he assumes he would still be wandering around the rainforest, never to escape.  
  
Still, he thinks about every decision he made during his travels, questioning how Morgan had died while Peter had all of the odds stacked against his favor. He couldn’t thermoregulate and he needed to consume much more food than the average person, surely that should have killed him sooner.  
  
Peter thinks back to the water, contemplating if that had been the main cause. He had forced Morgan to drink as much water as possible, knowing that hydration was one of the key factors to survival.  
  
Peter has a fast metabolism, and he was probably able to fight off any bacteria that infested the river.  
  
Meanwhile, Morgan was only a child, her body was still developing and it was careless to assume she would be fine under those conditions.  
  
There could have been deathly parasites that contaminated the body of water; Peter had a healing factor to rely on, obviously he would be able to drink it without facing any repercussions.  
  
Though it still didn’t explain why Morgan had passed away as quickly as she did. While Peter wasn’t the most knowledgeable when it comes to wilderness survival, he was pretty certain it should have hypothetically taken one to two weeks before the disease fully made its mark.  
  
Hypothermia and malfunction could have also played a factor to Morgan’s demise, but if that were the case Peter should have fallen long before she had.  
  
In the end, Peter would never truly learn what caused Morgan to die in his arms.  
  
He tries to tell Happy this when he asks how it came about, but he was unable to put it into words.  
  
Happy had been surprisingly understanding when he first found Peter. He made sure to thank the couple who took care of him before stowing him away into the private jet.  
  
When he reaches over to grab Morgan, Peter freaks out. He screams at Happy to get away from him, almost kicking him in the face in an attempt to move.  
  
Eventually, Happy had accepted the circumstances, letting Peter carry her to the jet despite having lost most of his strength at this point.  
  
Logically, Peter knew that there was no reason to hold her as close as he did, and he would be forced to let her go at some point, but something made him feel as if he still needed to protect her.

Peter had not put her down since her heart had stopped beating, and he wasn’t emotionally prepared to not have the familiar weight pressed against him despite how sore his muscles were.  
  
Happy let the private jet fly on autopilot as he takes special care of Peter’s feet. He tenderly wraps them with bandages from the first aid kit and forces him to drink a full bottle of water.  
  
He threw it up ten minutes later, and Happy brushes off his profound apologies.  
  
Peter would steal glances at the man whenever he thought Happy wasn’t looking, and he paid close attention to his red rimmed eyes and shaking fingers.  
  
He can’t help but think it’s his fault.  
  
When the jet lands, Happy waits for Peter to stand up. He’s not brave enough to do it on his own, and Happy has to coach him through it.

If it were Peter’s choice, he would never leave.

How was he supposed to share with Pepper and Tony the horrific fate of their daughter? How was he supposed to look them in the eye?  
  
Happy answers as if he’s read his thoughts.  
  
“Tony and Pepper know about Morgan.”  
  
Peter looks up at Happy, completely shocked by the news.  
  
“How?”  
  
Happy offers a sad smile that comes off more as a grimace. “I already told them, I thought it would give them some time to prepare.”  
  
Peter nods though he doesn’t agree. There was no way to prepare someone for this trauma, and Happy knew it too well.  
  
He eventually walks down the steps with trembling legs, refusing to drop Morgan during the process. Happy had long since given up on trying to take Morgan away from Peter, so he simply watches the boy struggle from afar.  
  
Peter forces himself not to break down when he meets with Pepper and Tony. The pair rushes over to him, but neither look him in the eyes. They only have eyes for their daughter.  
  
And finally, Peter lets go of Morgan, handing her to Tony.  
  
They don’t exchange a single word.

While Peter craves reassurance and forgiveness from his mentor, he knew that he didn’t deserve it.  
  
Instead, May gathers him into her arms and leads him away, and Peter goes without a fight.  
  
He hears a scream of pure agony that leaves Pepper’s mouth, and he can’t stop himself from turning around. 

He will never forget the soulless expression on Tony’s face as he holds Morgan close to his chest, falling to his knees without a word and rocking her back and forth just how Peter had before she took her final breath.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s been three weeks and five days since Morgan’s funeral.  
  
As much as Peter was ashamed to admit it, he doesn’t remember much of the service.  
  
He knew that it was held at the lake house, and he also knew that there were not many people who actually attended it. Not because they didn’t try to, but the Stark family had wanted it to be private and personal.  
  
New outlets were already aware of Morgan Stark’s death, and while no one but Peter knew of the specifics, they still discussed it for weeks on end, sharing rumors and theories that only the media was capable of creating.  
  
If it weren’t for May keeping a close eye on Peter, he would never get out of bed. She constantly reminds him to shower and take care of himself, and more often than not she shoving food down his throat after he gives her a difficult time.  
  
For the past few weeks, Peter feels time move in slow motion, and each breath he takes is painful and undeserved.   
  
A part of him wanted to reach out to Pepper and Tony, apologize for his failure, for not trying hard enough, but he stops himself from making the first move.  
  
He has yet to say a word to either of them, not even at the funeral. He assumes that they would not want to see him anyway.

He was more than aware that it would only a reminder of what they had endured and lost.  
  
At least that’s how it was for Peter, he could no longer look at himself in the mirror.  
  
Still, May stays close to his side and whispers reassurances in his ear when the nightmares pull him down. She tells him that it’s not his fault, that he did nothing wrong, and Peter always bites his lip and fights the urge to call her a liar.  
  
May had taken off many days of work to take care of him, but the hospital was starting to get aggravated with her antics. Apparently, she had used too many of her sick days, and if she didn’t start routinely working again, they would have to fire her.  
  
Currently, May has her delicate hands brushing against his cheek, attempting to get him to meet eye contact with her.  
  
“You’ll be okay, right?”  
  
Peter wants to tell her that he hasn’t been okay for weeks, but that much has been obvious. So, he simply nods his head and tries to look as convincing as possible.  
  
Of course, May sees right through him. Peter can see the hesitation in her eyes, and it’s clear that she doesn’t want to leave him alone in the apartment.  
  
“Your dinner is in the microwave, just heat it up whenever you’re ready. If you need anything, you can always call me- promise you will?”  
  
Peter nods again, knowing he won’t pick up the phone.  
  
May lets out a sigh before kissing his cheek, “okay, I’m headed out- if I come home and your food is untouched, you will be in big trouble mister.” May tries to say the words with a teasing voice, but the joke falls flat.  
  
“I will.”  
  
She kisses him once more, this time on the forehead, and gives him a hug before walking out the door.  
  
Peter hates how reliant he has become on May, and now that he’s alone for the first time in weeks he feels tears gather in his eyes.

He tries to busy himself with as many useless tasks as possible: he vacuums the carpet, cleans to toilet, scrub the windows, but nothing fully distracts him.

He used to rely on Spiderman for that, but the one time he tried to put on the suit he had a full blown panic attack. 

The silence is all consuming, and when he’s not actively working to keep himself occupied, he could vaguely hear Morgan’s heartbeat slowly losing rhythm until it stops all together.

He thinks he’ll forever be haunted by that sound.  
  
Peter is getting ready to clean the air vent when he hears a knock from the door, and he drops all of the cleaning supplies, wincing when they fall with a loud crash.  
  
Peter closes his eyes a listens from across the room. He focuses in on the breaths from the other side of the door, but he can’t tell who it is. He distantly wonders he’s imagining it until a voice speaks up.  
  
“Open up kid, I know you’re in there.”  
  
Peter acknowledges that he has officially gone insane, because there was no way Tony Stark was out there calling for him after everything he’s done wrong.  
  
He stands still with shell shock before he hears the knock again, this time more hesitant.  
  
“Peter?”  
  
His feet move without his permission, and he pauses for a moment before turning the knob and swinging the door open. Much to Peter’s surprise, Tony is actually there, arms crossed together and eyebrow raised.  
  
Immediately, Peter notices that Tony looks better than the last time he saw him. While he still has heavy bags under his eyes, they were not as deep and bruised as they were at the funeral. He also has some color back on his cheeks, no longer looking like a walking corpse.  
  
With the mention of a corpse, he thinks back to Morgan’s cold yet weightless body pressed against his chest, and he suppresses a shudder.  
  
“Are you going to let me in?”  
  
Peter blinks twice before remembering to move out of the way. He steps to the side as Tony walks in with stride, immediately making himself comfortable on the couch.  
  
“You can close the door now...”  
  
Peter slams it shut without meaning to, and continues to stare at Tony with his mouth agape.  
  
“Yeah, that’s starting to get creepy.”  
  
Finally, he finds his voice.  
  
“Mister Stark, what are you doing here?”  
  
Tony raises an eyebrow yet again, “May told Happy that you were going to be alone tonight, and then Happy told me. I thought I would stop by and see how you were doing.”  
  
Peter continues to blink at him, almost dazed.  
  
Because he wasn’t an idiot, he knew the real reason Tony had showed up unannounced. He was here to yell at Peter, finally blame him for the death of his only daughter. He had been waiting for this moment for weeks now and knew that it was only a matter of time before Tony officially kicked him out of his life.  
  
No matter how hard he tried to prepare himself for the inevitable, he still wasn’t ready to hear the words spoken out loud. He let out a shaky breath and slowly walks over to the kitchen, giving himself time to calm down.  
  
“Would you like me to get you anything sir, we have water and... uh, food? We have food.”  
  
Truth be told, Peter didn’t know what they had in their fridge and cabinets, but he assumes that May had stocked up.  
  
At that, Tony tilts his head in confusion.  
  
“Sir?” He asks with an incredulous tone.  
  
Ever since Tony had saved the universe and survived the snap, Peter mostly dropped all of the formalities he often used with adults. While he still called Tony ‘Mister Stark’, that was more from familiarity than obligation.  
  
Peter drums his fingers against the kitchen counter, trying to put his nervous energy to good use.  
  
“I can make you something if you want- are you hungry? I’m not the best cook but I do make a mean sandwich, though you can’t really mess those up, huh.” Peter pauses and lets out an awkward laugh, and Tony stares at him with a calculating look in his eyes.

“I’m not hungry, I just came to check up on you, that’s all.”  
  
“Oh.” Peter’s anxious rambling had been put to a holt at the admission, and uncomfortable silence drags out for too long.  
  
Eventually, Tony shakes his head as if he’s annoyed with himself, and stands up.

“So how have you been, kiddo?”  
  
Peter opens his mouth to respond then closes it seconds later. He grabs hold of the counter in front of him in an attempt to stop his hands from shaking.

“Mister Stark, you don’t have to do this.”  
  
Tony had been walking closer to Peter, but he stops in his tracks after Peter speaks out, looking taken aback.  
  
“Do what?”  
  
“You know-” he moves his hand and gestures to the space between Tony and himself. “This, all the small talk… you can say what you need to.”  
  
“Kid, I’m not following.”  
  
Peter examines Tony closely and notices how he seems to be genuinely lost at what was going on. Hope blooms out of Peter’s heart without meaning to, but he quickly squashes it down before he can think too much on it.  
  
“Aren’t you here to yell at me?”  
  
Tony doesn’t answer right away, and Peter wraps his arms around himself to prepare for what was about to go down.  
  
“Why would I yell at you?”  
  
That was such an unfair question to ask. How does Peter answer that without breaking down into tears. He breaks eye contact with Tony and glares at the abandoned pile of cleaning supplies on the floor.  
  
“Pete, you have to tell me what’s going on, I’m not a mind reader.”  
  
When Peter speaks again, his voice is hoarse and shaky.  
  
“Look, just say what you need to say and I promise I won’t bother you after this. I get it- really, I do.”  
  
“You know you’re never a bother.”  
  
Peter just shakes his head, he finds it cruel that Tony is dragging this out the way his is, but he doesn’t dare say the thought out loud.  
  
“Pete, can you look up? You’re starting to worry me.”  
  
It takes all of his willpower not to hide behind the counter, but when he forces himself to look at Tony, he notices that he’s much closer than he initially thought.  
  
“Is this because I haven’t been talking to you? Cause I’m sorry, it’s just been... difficult. But I didn’t mean to ignore you the way I have been.”  
  
Peter could not wrap his head around the turn of events. Tony was apologizing to _him_.

The realization is hilarious, and Peter begins to laugh out loud.  
  
Somehow, that only makes Tony look more concerned.  
  
“Peter?”  
  
Much to his horror, his laugh quickly turns into cries, and Tony’s eyes widen in shock.  
  
“Oh Pete, come here.”  
  
He takes another step forward and opens his arms as if he were about to give him a hug, but Peter rushes to take a step back, practically tripping over his own two feet.  
  
“You don’t have to do this.” Peter says it again because he doesn’t think Tony had heard him the first time, but at this point his words are unintelligible as he lets out another sob.  
  
Tony seems to realize that Peter doesn’t want to be touched, so he moves away and gives him some space.  
  
“I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do.”  
  
Peter shakes his head again, “you’re supposed to be mad at me.”  
  
“Why would I be mad at- _oh_.” Tony cuts himself off off as recognition dawns on him, and he takes another step closer, as if testing the waters.  
  
“No one blames you for what happened with Morgan, especially not me.”  
  
Now it’s Tony’s voice that’s shaking, and Peter doesn’t bother to cover his wail when Morgan’s name is spoken out loud.  
  
“Maybe you should.”  
  
“Why do you think that, what happened in the rainforest?”  
  
Peter had just then realized that Tony and Pepper didn’t know how their daughter had lost her life. He has yet to share, despite May begging him to talk to someone, even if it wasn’t her.  
  
It all suddenly makes sense to Peter, and he scolds himself for not realizing it sooner. That’s why Tony had come to the apartment, because he needs the closure. Peter was the only person who was with Morgan when she had died, meaning he was the only one who could provide Tony the information he needed.  
  
The thought seems almost ironic, but he tries not to dwell on it.  
  
Peter doesn’t want to tell the story, but he knows it’s selfish to withhold the details. It’s the least he and Pepper deserve after everything they’ve been through.

So, he tries.  
  
“She died peacefully you know.”  
  
He watches Tony’s face drain from all color, and he must have not been expecting the conversation to go this direction. Still, he gives Peter the floor, nodding his head and allowing him to continue.  
  
“She was asleep when it happened. I don’t know- I don’t really know how it happened but I don’t think she was in too much pain. She was real brave out there, barely complained or anything. You- you would have been proud of her.”  
  
Peter wonders if Tony can even understand him with his voice wet and wavering on its own accord.  
  
“But I’m proud of you too.”  
  
Peter chokes out a cry and it comes out almost as a scream. He can’t bear to hear Tony say things like that.  
  
He continues however, and Peter doesn’t need to look at him to know that he’s now crying as well.  
  
“I’m so sorry Pete, I didn’t mean to make you think it was your fault. It- it was just _so hard_ to look at you because you remind me so much of _her_.“   
  
Peter can no longer hold himself up, and his knees hit the floor so hard that he’s pretty certain there’s going to be bruises later.  
  
Tony wastes no time as he bends down in front of him. He reaches his arms out to hold him, but he hesitates last minute as if he were afraid too.  
  
“I’m not going to do that again, I promise. I don’t _ever_ want you to blame yourself like this. You were so strong out there, and I’m sure you did everything you possibly could because that’s just who you are.”  
  
It physically hurt to hear Tony talk so highly of him, but it also warmed his heart as much as he didn’t want to admit it. This is what he has been craving since the beginning, forgiveness for the wrongs he has committed. A chance to forgive himself.  
  
He still doesn’t think he deserves it however.  
  
Tony called him strong, but he couldn’t be any more wrong. If Peter were strong he would have pushed the man away, called him out for lying to his face.  
  
Because he’s weak and desperate for comfort, he clings onto Tony and hugs him tightly against his chest, feeling like a child as he sobs into his shoulder.  
  
Tony doesn’t hesitate to hug him back, he whispers sweet nothings into his ear, and for the first time, Peter starts to believe it when he tells him that it wasn’t his fault.  
  
/ / /  
  
Peter was sleeping at the lake house tonight.  
  
Tony claimed that he didn’t want Peter to be alone at the apartment, and had practically begged him to come to his place. After many reassurances that Peter would not be ‘a bother’ or ‘in the way’, the two of them had hopped in the car and driven to the lake house in comfortable silence.  
  
It feels weird being there, and he almost expects Morgan to rush over and latch onto his leg when he opens the front door, the way she always used to.  
  
Instead, he sees Pepper walking up to him. Fear courses through Peter’s veins and he thinks she might kick out of the house. Tony seems to read his thoughts as he places a hand on his shoulder and gives it a tight squeeze, offering silent support.  
  
Much to his surprise, Pepper hugs him and kisses his cheek.  
  
“It’s really good to see you sweetheart, how are you doing?”  
  
Peter takes a moment to fully process her question, and he lets Tony’s hand ground him to reality.

He decides to answer honestly.  
  
“I’ve been better.”  
  
Pepper offers him a tight lipped smile, and seems to hear the unspoken apology on the tip of his tongue.  
  
“It’s okay.”

Peter hears her unspoken words as well.   
  
_‘I forgive you’_  
  
That night, Peter sleeps in the guest bedroom that was built specifically for him long before he was brought back from the snap.  
  
Grief was still prominent in his heart and soul, but for the first time since Morgan Stark has died, Peter feels hopeful.  
  
He was aware the the pain will never truly go away, never fully heal, but he’ll learn how to carry it as he continues to live his life. Just how he had when he said goodbye to his parents, just how he had when he lost Ben.  
  
When he wakes up the next morning, he gets out of bed all on his own.  
  
It’s not much, and a lot of work still needs to be done before Peter can say he’s okay, but it was a start. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you to everyone who has read all three chapters! 
> 
> I apologize for any typos that’s hidden in this work, I try to proof read but I always miss a few of them. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, if you have any suggestions or critiques for the future I would love to hear them

**Author's Note:**

> I’m considering writing a second part to this with the aftermath in Tony’s POV, but I’m not sure if I should just leave it where it is. If anyone is actually for some reason interested, please tell me and I can attempt lol


End file.
